Plan B

I can't even explain the emotions I felt as I kissed the kids goodbye this morning. They have no idea that we will be picking them up at school this afternoon and whisking them off to Disney. We are literally making it out about 2 hours before a massive blizzard descends on Philadelphia. It is bringing back terrible memories of 2 years ago, when our entire trip was cancelled due to another  blizzard. This time, I think that we are getting lucky. Two friends of mine were scheduled to fly out tomorrow morning and have already had their flights bumped back to Monday afternoon. I'm checking my flight tracker obsessively and thus far we look good to go.

I keep thinking about the moment when we tell them that they are Disney bound. Being a Mother has taught me so much about giving. It is very much something that you simply can't explain to someone who doesn't have kids, but everything changes the minute those two lines appear on your pregnancy test. Suddenly it isn't all about you anymore. Everything shifts, from how you eat to what you drink to how you exercise. Your body isn't your own. This continues long past pregnancy. Of course you retain your outside interests, you retain your friendships, but your kids become central to every decision you make, in some way. I get more excited to give to them, than I do to get for myself, if that makes sense.  It grows from there. You want to create a family that is a safe space, a nurturing space for your kids. You want to fill them with healthy food. You want to teach them empathy, to show them that there is good in the world, even though there is pain. From there, you want to MAKE the world a better place, because your kids are in it. I don't think that I would have the same level of interest in philanthropy or volunteering if I didn't have kids, I simply don't think that I would feel as vested in my community or my world if not for them. Maybe that is selfish, but I think that it's true.

I feel the same way about teaching yoga. DOING yoga was great. But it was just me. It was just about me. SHARING yoga has transformed how I feel about the practice. Though I have been practicing yoga for 21 years, I've been teaching for just two years now, so I'm still very much a baby, but I have learned so much in those two years. I have been lucky to witness the creation of a little community in my classes, and I have gotten to know my students well. It's weird but I will miss my students while I am away, and will be thinking of them during my usual class times. I very, very rarely have a sub, and its a strange feeling, like when your kids are little and you leave them with a new babysitter for the first time.

Once you get turned on to giving you don't want to stop. You learn that giving is its own reward. I can't even describe the joy that working at the food cupboard gives me, or how excited I get to think of small ways to make Nate or the kids days better. Yesterday when I was working at the FC one of the directors asked if the kids could be interviewed for an article that they wanted to put in the newspaper about charity and food drives. I said no. Maybe it was scroog-y of me…..but I don't want the kids to learn that we give so that we can be recognized. That we give so that we can be praised by others. We give to help others…….the good feelings that we get along the way, thats just gravy. External praise should never be a motivator for good works. It's a fine line, because in the beginning, we as parents DO praise them for giving, for sharing, for doing good. Somewhere along the line it has to become a self motivated giving. It has to come from within. Seeing that happen in your kids is a great thing to witness as a parent. I will never do everything right. I will stumble so many times along this whole parenting gig. But if we can raise kids who are generous, who want to do good in the world, who recognize need and jump to meet it, we have done okay. As I get older I've realized that this, more than anything, is what matters in life. Helping others. It's as simple as that.

I hope that we get out of here safely this afternoon. I can't wait to spring this surprise that we have been so carefully hoarding. I can't wait to spend the next 10 days with the people that I love. I'm excited to again witness that magic that we saw on the Disney cruise, to see their eyes light up at all the wonders that are Disney. Just seeing it all through the eyes of your kids makes it magical for you as a parent.

Here we go!