Thoughts on a Hysterectomy
Well, I'm done. Made it. I'd like to say that I cruised through the whole thing and am bouncing around the house, but that would be a lie.
It was SO great to pick my Mom up at the airport on Wednesday morning. We went straight to my new favorite local shopping place (it's called The Barn and it's fabulous for local and original art/home decor/clothing etc). We poked around and picked up some fun things, then headed to eat outside in the brilliant sunlight. Another amazing 75 degree Colorado day. After lunch we came home and got her all unpacked and it was time to get the kids off of the bus. The kids were so thrilled to have their Mom Mom here again! I made a hearty dinner that night, which we enjoyed after two soccer practices. I wasn't allowed food or drink after midnight so I packed it in.
Thursday morning we got the kids on the bus. I took my last ever birth control pill with a tiny sip of water as I wasn't allowed to eat or drink. We took a beautiful little hike up to Wildcat Overlook and then came home so that I could take yet another shower in the hibicleanse or surgical soap. We left for the hospital at about 10:30. By 11 I had checked in and was shown to my "room" in pre op. Nate got there about 15 minutes after we did, having come straight from the airport. As surgery was supposed to start at 1, he and my Mom were going to sit with me until I went in, then drive home together to get the kids off of the bus and have dinner, before Nate would return once he got the call that I was in the recovery room.
Things went awry as at 3 I was still in my pre op room. Hungry, SO THIRSTY and not allowed anything, not even ice chips, my mood was deteriorating fast. I begged Nate to leave with my Mom as I was nervous about her navigating her way to our house as the hospital was a good 14 miles from home. Nate refused to leave, and I was really teary saying goodbye to my Mom. The anesthesiologist, sensing my mounting anxiety/hangry/frustrated state gave me a little something to take the edge off. If edge means everything bad or unpleasant in the world, that is. I felt amazing rolling into the operating room, and I remember the mask coming down and briefly wondering how long it would take to knock me out out.......I think that by 3 I was in another place. Out cold. I had been told that I had to have a breathing tube down my throat during the surgery, which intimidated me as I had never had that before, and I can tell you, that sucks. You wake up feeling like you've been nursing from a salt lick for a month with a raspy raw voice.
Anyway. My next memory is having a bit of a (okay, a full on) panic attack, telling them that I had a blood clot in my right arm, and generally freaking out as the first thing I saw as I started to come to was the time, and it read 10:10.
10:10? I went in at 3:15 and it was supposed to be a 3 hour surgery. I was completely irrational, and I had HORRIBLE pain under both collar bones and in the inside elbow of my right arm (turns out this was because my arms hyperextend at the elbow joint and my arm had been malpositioned ~ I couldn't straighten it out for about 2 days. It's all fuzzy and weird, but I remember clawing at my eyes to the point where they restrained me, and freaking out that I was simultaneously having a heart attack, a blood clot, and that they had found mad loads of cancer inside of me and that was why I was waking up 7 hours after going to sleep for the 3 hour surgery. I had a catheter in and my IV and was basically a mess of wires. Very Halloweeny. I remember begging "Please let my husband come in, I need him" and they allowed him in once I stopped trying to rub my eyes. I remember begging him "TELL ME WHY THIS TOOK SO LONG WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME DO I HAVE CANCER YOU CAN TELL ME I CAN TAKE IT" and giving him my most serious of serious don't fuck with me looks. In retrospect that probably looked hilarious as I don't even know that I could hold my head straight at that time and I know I was still slurring and pretty irrational. All of my grit and determination was a little humorous considering I was also convinced that I had a blood clot, was having a heart attack, and couldn't really stop crying very well.
I'm still a bit blurry on it all, but the jist of things is that after they put me under they had robot issues. My hysterectomy was a bilateral robotic laparoscopic partial hysterectomy, meaning that they took my uterus, fallopian types, and cervix. Ovaries stayed in place. The robot was being contrary in some way, which added about 90 minutes to my procedure. Then, once they got in there, there was apparently a bunch of scar tissue around my bladder, more specifically my ureter. They couldn't differentiate between the ureter and the scar tissue and were afraid of accidentally cutting it. That would be bad. BAD. So, they had to call in a specialist. They were at home, and that added another 90 minutes to my surgery. All this time I'm just knocked out in probably the most unladylike of positions. I don't even want to think about that part. It's so normal and fine having people all up in your junk when you are waiting for a baby to come out.......but when there is no baby at the end of the struggle you get a tad bit more self conscious.
More later. I look like Edward Scissor Hands took a run right at me. Four very visible incisions and one that I think is inside my belly button but I'm too scared to poke around at it.
I've been so swollen that I look pregnant and my skin feels tight and stretched. That started to abate in a big way today. More later. I lived, I'm still hurting a bit, and I know that in the end this will all be worth it.
It was SO great to pick my Mom up at the airport on Wednesday morning. We went straight to my new favorite local shopping place (it's called The Barn and it's fabulous for local and original art/home decor/clothing etc). We poked around and picked up some fun things, then headed to eat outside in the brilliant sunlight. Another amazing 75 degree Colorado day. After lunch we came home and got her all unpacked and it was time to get the kids off of the bus. The kids were so thrilled to have their Mom Mom here again! I made a hearty dinner that night, which we enjoyed after two soccer practices. I wasn't allowed food or drink after midnight so I packed it in.
Thursday morning we got the kids on the bus. I took my last ever birth control pill with a tiny sip of water as I wasn't allowed to eat or drink. We took a beautiful little hike up to Wildcat Overlook and then came home so that I could take yet another shower in the hibicleanse or surgical soap. We left for the hospital at about 10:30. By 11 I had checked in and was shown to my "room" in pre op. Nate got there about 15 minutes after we did, having come straight from the airport. As surgery was supposed to start at 1, he and my Mom were going to sit with me until I went in, then drive home together to get the kids off of the bus and have dinner, before Nate would return once he got the call that I was in the recovery room.
Things went awry as at 3 I was still in my pre op room. Hungry, SO THIRSTY and not allowed anything, not even ice chips, my mood was deteriorating fast. I begged Nate to leave with my Mom as I was nervous about her navigating her way to our house as the hospital was a good 14 miles from home. Nate refused to leave, and I was really teary saying goodbye to my Mom. The anesthesiologist, sensing my mounting anxiety/hangry/frustrated state gave me a little something to take the edge off. If edge means everything bad or unpleasant in the world, that is. I felt amazing rolling into the operating room, and I remember the mask coming down and briefly wondering how long it would take to knock me out out.......I think that by 3 I was in another place. Out cold. I had been told that I had to have a breathing tube down my throat during the surgery, which intimidated me as I had never had that before, and I can tell you, that sucks. You wake up feeling like you've been nursing from a salt lick for a month with a raspy raw voice.
Anyway. My next memory is having a bit of a (okay, a full on) panic attack, telling them that I had a blood clot in my right arm, and generally freaking out as the first thing I saw as I started to come to was the time, and it read 10:10.
10:10? I went in at 3:15 and it was supposed to be a 3 hour surgery. I was completely irrational, and I had HORRIBLE pain under both collar bones and in the inside elbow of my right arm (turns out this was because my arms hyperextend at the elbow joint and my arm had been malpositioned ~ I couldn't straighten it out for about 2 days. It's all fuzzy and weird, but I remember clawing at my eyes to the point where they restrained me, and freaking out that I was simultaneously having a heart attack, a blood clot, and that they had found mad loads of cancer inside of me and that was why I was waking up 7 hours after going to sleep for the 3 hour surgery. I had a catheter in and my IV and was basically a mess of wires. Very Halloweeny. I remember begging "Please let my husband come in, I need him" and they allowed him in once I stopped trying to rub my eyes. I remember begging him "TELL ME WHY THIS TOOK SO LONG WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME DO I HAVE CANCER YOU CAN TELL ME I CAN TAKE IT" and giving him my most serious of serious don't fuck with me looks. In retrospect that probably looked hilarious as I don't even know that I could hold my head straight at that time and I know I was still slurring and pretty irrational. All of my grit and determination was a little humorous considering I was also convinced that I had a blood clot, was having a heart attack, and couldn't really stop crying very well.
I'm still a bit blurry on it all, but the jist of things is that after they put me under they had robot issues. My hysterectomy was a bilateral robotic laparoscopic partial hysterectomy, meaning that they took my uterus, fallopian types, and cervix. Ovaries stayed in place. The robot was being contrary in some way, which added about 90 minutes to my procedure. Then, once they got in there, there was apparently a bunch of scar tissue around my bladder, more specifically my ureter. They couldn't differentiate between the ureter and the scar tissue and were afraid of accidentally cutting it. That would be bad. BAD. So, they had to call in a specialist. They were at home, and that added another 90 minutes to my surgery. All this time I'm just knocked out in probably the most unladylike of positions. I don't even want to think about that part. It's so normal and fine having people all up in your junk when you are waiting for a baby to come out.......but when there is no baby at the end of the struggle you get a tad bit more self conscious.
More later. I look like Edward Scissor Hands took a run right at me. Four very visible incisions and one that I think is inside my belly button but I'm too scared to poke around at it.
I've been so swollen that I look pregnant and my skin feels tight and stretched. That started to abate in a big way today. More later. I lived, I'm still hurting a bit, and I know that in the end this will all be worth it.
oh honey! I'm so sorry to hear how rough this was for you!! Are you home yet? Lots and lots of love your way.
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