Into December we go.

 It's been like a hit parade of sunsets around here lately. Each night seems to be more spectacular than the last. We set an all time warmth record in Denver last week, and its been in the 60's and 70's all week. Its great, dont get me wrong, but the mountains need SNOW!

 My Mom made these ornaments for the kids years ago and they are simple, and silly, and favorites. I'm missing family a lot right now, but at the same time feel so lucky to have local friends to keep us busy and enjoying the holiday.

 I've done a ton of rearranging this week as I was kept close to home, and little by little it's getting there. It just takes so much time to make a new house a home! The big paint is next, and let me tell you, picking paint in a very open style home is a pain in the neck.

Family, 2017

My daughter as she approaches double digits this March. SLOOOOOW DOWN.


Oh my! It's been a busy bit here in Colorado! I've broken a finger and hurt my back and am continuing to get my own head out of my ass. Life is good.

I broke my ring finger on my left hand by wresting a baby out of the jaws of a bobcat. Or, actually, I did it cleaning in a dumb luck accident. I had big plans that day and just DREADED going to the ER as it takes forever, so I taped it up and went on with my yoga/lunch/christmas shopping kind of day with my daughter. By that night I knew it was broken, and when I was up with pain at 3 AM I figured the ER would be easy and quick. I went in, and sure enough it is broken. They said it was a "weird" break, so sent me off to a hand specialist telling me I would need surgery. The great news is that no surgery! Follow up in 4 weeks. It's been annoying, no worse. My low back got wrenched by lifting a car off of the same baby. Or, actually I was blowdrying my hair and bending over and coughed.....and SHIT. I've never had a back in spasm! You can't move! I won't bother with a ton of details, other than to say that crawling to my master bath at 4 am Sunday night may have been involved. Poor nate was in a panic as he was off to Vegas for the week on Monday, but we got through it. Its the strangest most awful feeling. I'm off to a Chiro who is amazing and I'm on plan going three times a week.

My teaching schedule is a perfect fit now, I teach Tus-Friday. I picked up two classes in FitZone, wed and Friday. I'm leading a yoga mala on the solstice which I have never done before and am looking forward to. I've participated, not led.

I've been doing a little bit of hiking, and then some more hiking. With my back hurt, running is out, and I'm actually enjoying the time as a way to center a bit and focus down before the big push of marathon training begins, around Christmas.

I think that it takes a while after making big change to feel big results. One of my biggest flaws (and this is hard, there is a lot of competition in this arena) is impatience. I like change instantly. I think I can will myself or others into growth or change or even a healed bone. I can't. For so long after our move I was in this spiral ~ feel lonely./sad/happy/whatever , have a drink! Every night felt like a party that first summer as we were eating out so much, and had few people to do things with, so we opened a bottle of wine (or two) at dinner most nights. It was a way to feel like life still had celebration. It felt "deserved" after the challenge of uprooting our family. The problem was, alcohol makes me feel terrible. I would wake up anxious as hell, but kept thinking I had "an anxiety problem", not a problem with how I processed alcohol.

There is tremendous power in identifying weak areas and fixing them. The decision to recognize that something so simple, so socially accepted, was hurting me and to take it out of my life was a big one. Its 6 months today since I made the decision. My life has only gotten a million times better. Its not even like a "well, its hard to say but sure, its good for me".....NO. So many people can drink and have it be a plus, and benefit in their life. Were I to tally up a pros and cons list, you'd have had to wonder if I had any common sense at all..........it was that clear that in my life and only in my life, booze didn't bring blessings. It didn't bring abundance. It FELT like it brought community, but only until the party ended and I was left alone with the aftermath. Not community to lay around in an anxious puddle.

The thing is, I'm remembering how doing hard things makes it easier to do other hard things. Suddenly, I don't see myself as an "anxious" person in any way. I haven't taken so much as a Tylenol in 6 months, let alone the anxiety meds that had been in my life since a year after my third child was born, 6 years ago. I fill my body with only good things, and my mind has slowly cleared in the past 6 months. I feel a sense of belonging, and simple self confidence that I haven't felt in years. I have the energy and the sense of self to bring to new friendships. I parent with a more level head and a greater empathy. Is it awkward occasionally? Sure. I can say though its a ton less awkward than I had thought it would be. I know it, but the reminder is always nice that most people don't care at all what you are or aren't drinking ~ Its only in my mind that I worry. In fact, anyone who loves me only wants what is best for me, and I think that most would agree that I can't be my version of my best self when I'm pouring something that hurts me, into me.

If there is something that needs changing in your life, change it. I am going to an extended Bikram class to celebrate 6 months of living the good life. Namaste.