Extremes.
Ha HA!
A balance post followed by an extreme on. On par for me, eh?
Eff.
Anyway.
Sunday we awoke to the British Open in bed. A nice late breakfast and a late start and Nate took the kids to the gym for a work out while I packed up all 4 of us and the food while I watched the thrilling culmination of the British open.
By the time he got home Phil pretty much had it in the bag, I had our bags packed, and we headed to the Kluebers for an afternoon of good eats and pool time. We stayed too long (as yours truly knew she didn't have to drive and was in full on sunday funday relax mode) before coming home to pack up the car. We put the kids in PJ's and hit Chipolte for dinner and headed to the beach.
Monday morning I went for a walk with my Mom while Luke rode his bike and JUles was on her Razor and Jake in his Bob. Felt so good I wanted to run. Did it. Two miles, maybe. Hit home and did a tabata workout while the kids played washers in the yard, Good times.
Long beach day.
Tuesday did the same, but I went with just Jake, and did probably about 4 miles, then a tabata workout.
Wednesday? Got up before everyone else and went for a run by myself.
Hit the beach. In my shoes. In the hard sand by the surf. Had no watch, no phone, no garmin. No nothing. No boardwalk to even mark my distance. Realized that I was past the end of Cape May.
Realized that THIS was why I had broken my hip. NOT because I care about my weight (I weighed a lot more when running a lot). Not because I care about how I look. Because I fucking love it. I love it. I had no music, no partner, no nothing. It was so beautiful.
So quiet.
So.....me.
Just me, thinking.
Not me zoning out like I do with my book on the stair climber. Not me blissing out to music like I do in dance party.....just me and my thoughts. Never even breathing heavy. Just trotting along, feeling myself, feeling my thoughts.
I like my thoughts.
Unfortunately, I like my thoughts so much that I am a danger to myself. I realized it when I got home and an hour and 15 minutes had passed. I *think* I was running slowly, but if I'm being truthful with myself I don't really know. I can't trust myself, you see.
So I stopped.
I didn't work out the rest of the week, because I don't know how to trust my body. It felt SO GOOD. SO FUCKING GOOD. It quieted my mind. But the way way that I did I did it.....for the first time....like dipping a toe into the ocean, then a naked calf....then my entire body ~ well ~ clearly I cannot be trusted.
I also realized a lot of things about being in my parents house ~ about being around my Mom and food. That, however, is another post for another time.
A balance post followed by an extreme on. On par for me, eh?
Eff.
Anyway.
Sunday we awoke to the British Open in bed. A nice late breakfast and a late start and Nate took the kids to the gym for a work out while I packed up all 4 of us and the food while I watched the thrilling culmination of the British open.
By the time he got home Phil pretty much had it in the bag, I had our bags packed, and we headed to the Kluebers for an afternoon of good eats and pool time. We stayed too long (as yours truly knew she didn't have to drive and was in full on sunday funday relax mode) before coming home to pack up the car. We put the kids in PJ's and hit Chipolte for dinner and headed to the beach.
Monday morning I went for a walk with my Mom while Luke rode his bike and JUles was on her Razor and Jake in his Bob. Felt so good I wanted to run. Did it. Two miles, maybe. Hit home and did a tabata workout while the kids played washers in the yard, Good times.
Long beach day.
Tuesday did the same, but I went with just Jake, and did probably about 4 miles, then a tabata workout.
Wednesday? Got up before everyone else and went for a run by myself.
Hit the beach. In my shoes. In the hard sand by the surf. Had no watch, no phone, no garmin. No nothing. No boardwalk to even mark my distance. Realized that I was past the end of Cape May.
Realized that THIS was why I had broken my hip. NOT because I care about my weight (I weighed a lot more when running a lot). Not because I care about how I look. Because I fucking love it. I love it. I had no music, no partner, no nothing. It was so beautiful.
So quiet.
So.....me.
Just me, thinking.
Not me zoning out like I do with my book on the stair climber. Not me blissing out to music like I do in dance party.....just me and my thoughts. Never even breathing heavy. Just trotting along, feeling myself, feeling my thoughts.
I like my thoughts.
Unfortunately, I like my thoughts so much that I am a danger to myself. I realized it when I got home and an hour and 15 minutes had passed. I *think* I was running slowly, but if I'm being truthful with myself I don't really know. I can't trust myself, you see.
So I stopped.
I didn't work out the rest of the week, because I don't know how to trust my body. It felt SO GOOD. SO FUCKING GOOD. It quieted my mind. But the way way that I did I did it.....for the first time....like dipping a toe into the ocean, then a naked calf....then my entire body ~ well ~ clearly I cannot be trusted.
I also realized a lot of things about being in my parents house ~ about being around my Mom and food. That, however, is another post for another time.
I don't often get the feeling off wanting to run forever and I never really run much more than I set out to run, but I completely relate to the blissful feeling of being alone with my thoughts. I used to always run with music in the first year or two of running. I thought I needed some background noise so that I wouldn't think too much. Now I never run with music and enjoy my rambling musings, emotional torrents or quietly flowing threads. No matter what, nothing calms my mind more than a run. I need it so much more for my mind than my body. That said, I've made peace with the fact that my body is happiest with cross training and limiting the number of days I run in a week. I do enjoy cross training in a different way than running. And I appreciate the days I run on a whole different level. Finding a balance that works for you is a good plan. I'm sure the time spent in yoga teacher training will help, no? Just in terms of spending some "run" time on an alternate commitment.
ReplyDeleteI'm thrilled you are able to enjoy running again though! xoxo
ReplyDeleteThanks friend :) I keep meaning to get back into the pool too as I found that same feeling there, I'm just such a creature of habit and I'm in this routine right now and haven't shifted it to find pool time! I do think that more mat time will help, I'm really looking forward to that.
ReplyDelete