Back in the saddle.

Same entrance to the same party……a whole year later now!

I've missed blogging. I never blogged to be "a blogger", but I blogged because journaling simply doesn't work for me. It has been one hell of a year, and I just recently feel as though I am coming out the other side of this fog that I have been in. Huge highs, but huge lows as well.

I think that I'm going to have to catch things up in bits and pieces as so much has gone on, but all is well, at the moment. The kids are happy, Nate is happy, and I can finally say that I am happy. Thank you, wonderful therapist and wonderful friends and rediscovering the power of nature for getting me through a bit of a mental rough patch. Thank you bed, too, for being there when I simply needed to hunker down in you with some great books and admit that sometimes it was just okay to be in bed.

We had a busy summer of swim team and golf~ the kids each won the club championship for their age group. I was shocked to be awarded the Jane Siegal award for "most improved golfer" this past week as I brought my GHIN handicap down a full 5 strokes. I played a lot. We bought a house, then lost a house, and took our house off of the market as we got some exciting news that involves moving somewhere different that we originally thought we were going to…..but that has to remain a mystery as it is confidential at this point until we know more. It would, however be a bit of a dream come true if it comes to fruition. I'm teaching and maturing as I approach my second anniversary as a teacher. I went through a rather deep depression as my longing for control didn't match up well with the incredible amount of uncertainty that we faced over the course of the past 6 months. We had a great 10 days vacation at the beach, and then the best family trip we have taken yet to Jackson Hole WY, and then a full week at a Dude Ranch outside of Dubous, WY. The kids became real horseback riders as we all rode for 4 hours a day, interspersed with hiking, fly fishing, making new friends, and taking in the beauty of the badlands and the high desert. Without even a glimpse of any technology for 10 days we were treated to unparalleled family time. It was an experience that I will never forget.

As summer turned to fall the kids had a great start to school and I remembered my love for hiking. I also started spending every Thursday volunteering at the food cupboard, and it quickly became my favorite day of the week. I work with my mentor, Sue, another friend Carol, and about 10 other fantastic volunteers as the Cupboard is 100% volunteer run. I always leave happy, if often sobered, and always with a renewed sense of gratitude and a reminder of how quickly things in life can change.

Thats the super condensed version of where things are right now. We are busy planning a 10 day trip down to FL in January, surprising the kids with 5 days in Disney and then the remainder of the trip visiting my parents in Naples. That will be a nice break to the winter …though with the remarkably mild fall we have had its hard to believe that that winter is coming. Last time we had a fall this mild though was '93, which was a record setting year for snow, so who knows what is to come. Just today I was hiking in a tank top and got in 9 holes in a t shirt and pants. This is  unheard of for this time of year.

My yoga has changed a little bit, as I feel a longing for restorative classes and have been taking one such class a week. I cringe when I remember taking "yoga selfies"….again, part of the maturing. Sorry, world. I think sometimes what we look at so influences how we act, and in having an instagram feed full of yoga people it somehow seemed normal to take photos of myself doing yoga……it wasn't. I blush. Anyway. My practice has deepened as I have slowed down and learned to lean on yoga on days where I needed it as a true way to quiet my mind, not just exercise my body. It has been there for me.

In the same way that the hills are there for me now, that I am chasing sunlight as the days get dark as a way to keep my spirits up and enjoy the quiet beauty of nature, my mat has been there for me. When facing an imminent move my instinct was to withdrawal from my friends, it just hurt too much. In being given a temporary reprieve as we wait and see what happens legally in January with AWS, I have decided that withdrawing is no way to live for an extrovert like me, and have chosen to dive right back in head first. You can't live waiting to live somewhere else ~ at least, not if you thrive on social activities and need your girlfriends like I do. So in getting this *bonus time* I have vowed to make the most of it, rather than be saddened by what we know is coming. This alone has made a tremendous difference in my outlook.

More later. As per my fitbit I'm averaging 8.5 hours a sleep a night, and I know that I need it. That means that its time for bed. I swore I'd never get a fitbit but I have found that since I got it a month ago I love it. I feel like it challenges me to be better about self care ~ drinking more water, getting more sleep, and I love playing around with interval training as I have never had a heart rate monitor before.

Though I'm definitely putting the sunny side on things in the wrap up I also have to say that I went through some real challenges. I hate uncertainty. It preyed on all of my anxieties. Living in a home for sale/having showings with three small kids was horrible. I hated it. All of my perfectionistic tendencies made it worse, even keeping the house super neat it took me about 3 hours to make the house *perfect* for each showing. It wasn't easy and took some of the joy out of the summer/fall. BUT, we got through it and here we are. Vacation came at a perfect time, allowing August to be a peaceful time after the busyness of June and July. Three kids in school full time has given me the time I needed to really get my head on straight and address just what it was that had me so down, and get myself better. I'm so very grateful for the time to do just that. We have a great plan laid out once we figure out which place is going to be our new destination and I'm excited to enact it!