Arm in Arm.
I don't know how exactly it happens. That is what anxiety is, to me.
And Amanda, I don't know how you do it, but you truly have a knack for sending the perfect card, at the perfect time. It is uncanny. And I love you for it.
Today I am grateful for my yoga practice. I am grateful for the ability to stand on one leg again, something I missed terribly for many weeks. I'm grateful to once again to be able to jump into and out of certain poses, and to truly feel my strength and nimbleness returning to me on the mat. I am grateful for friends who keep me company even when a loneliness that I can't explain or combat creeps into my soul without warning. I am grateful that in the midst of his craziest two months of the year with work, my husband was able to accompany me to Luke's kindergarden orientation last night, and to hold my hand through it. I'm glad that he is able to take him to his "sneak a peak" today to see his class room and meet his teacher, because he will miss his actual first day of school. I am grateful for a Mom and Sister who WILL be here on that special day to celebrate with me, and to hold my hand and love Luke along with me :). I'm grateful for my sensitive heart, as annoying as it can be. I'm grateful for chocolate.
I'm grateful for the fact that we are spending either the morning or the afternoon at the pool every day this week, in this last week of summer. I'm grateful for my healthier relationship with exercise, and its more rational and realistic role and place in my life. I'm grateful that my limp is close to being gone.
And I'm so, so grateful for my friends, because if I can feel this lonely while surrounded by love, I can't imagine the way I could feel when truly alone. Change is so hard for me. But I will be grateful anyway, damn it. I am amazed at the beauty of this day. I am going to eat blueberries in the sunshine and watch my babies play with sweet Henry. I am going to drink deeply of the last of summer. I am going to celebrate. I am going to breathe. Over and over and over.
Aw. I love that you love that I send you cards. Keep on breathing babe. Sending you deep breaths, good juju, and love from Chicago. Saw this quote and it made me think of you: “A bad ass broad is MADE, not born.
ReplyDeleteShe’s a sinner with the heart of a saint.
She’s been trespassed against, and she’s done some trespassing of her own.
But at some point she drew a line in the sand, stopped the drama, and took back the wheel.”
^^That's an awesome quote from Amanda!
ReplyDeleteLove you Melis! Change is so hard, especially when it comes to our kids growing up. Not necessarily when they start eating solids, or walking, but when they start doing grown up things, like going to real school, having different friends than the rest of the siblings, etc. At least for me it is!
I will just say that I know the anxiety and aloneness completely. And while I am sad to know you feel it as well, it also does make me feel a tiny bit less alone. xxoo
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