A new Wednesday
So I've found my Wednesday routine. I went to Diane's spin class today at 9:30 and followed it up with the CX works ab class. Its nice because it gets in some cardio and some core work all in one. Diane makes me very aware of my own crazy ~ I haven't been to spin in....I don't know, 3 months? And I'm sitting there, in the back row, in the dark, and no one can see my monitor thing on my bike, and if Diane says to put it on 14 and MAKE your RPM's or whatever hit 130 damn it I'm going to hit 130 GO GO GO GOGO. Even if I die. It makes me realize what a damn first child people pleasing want to get the gold star little perfectionist I still am.......37 years of life one eating disorder one broken hip later.......there I am still having to "please" Diane, subconciously, even though, of course, Diane cant in ANY way see anything about what I'm in doing!!!! It is so all sorts of crazy!
I was also able to see directly out the door onto the court floor, where the HIIT class was taking place. Watching those girls jump and heave and run and sprint and grapevine and squat a thousand times hefting heavy weights I kept catching myself wincing. I was so crazy. So crazy, what I was doing to my body! But when you are insane, and surrounded by insane people, you just don't see it. I was just watching the pounding, and the jumping, and the heavy weight, and thinking, my poor body. I'm so sorry, for what I did to you. I felt incredibly convicted, yet again, and sad, about the self inflicted nature of my injury.
Nate is out of town and I just tucked the kids into bed and am already in bed myself. I don't feel like I stopped running all day today ~ from the gym to dropping off Jules to errands to picking her up to errands to cookie making to hanging pictures with my Mom to making dinner to Lukes Bball practice to home and a shower (finally, which is just gross), to, finally, bed.
It was a weird eating day, with too much running around it was bottom heavy and snack heavy. Cottage cheese with almonds and bananas for breakfast, grilled pork and dates with peanut butter for lunch, yogurt covered raisins and pirates booty for snacks, a delicious crustless spinach quiche for dinner, and then some serious amounts of eclat peppercorn dark chocolate with dried cherries on the side. I thought I had given all of the eclat chocolate over the holidays and found one last bar lurking in the cabinet just before I put the kids to bed. Serendipity.
Hate feeling convicted. Hate recognizing my own crazy. Love finding chocolate and having a full fridge. Breaking even?
I was also able to see directly out the door onto the court floor, where the HIIT class was taking place. Watching those girls jump and heave and run and sprint and grapevine and squat a thousand times hefting heavy weights I kept catching myself wincing. I was so crazy. So crazy, what I was doing to my body! But when you are insane, and surrounded by insane people, you just don't see it. I was just watching the pounding, and the jumping, and the heavy weight, and thinking, my poor body. I'm so sorry, for what I did to you. I felt incredibly convicted, yet again, and sad, about the self inflicted nature of my injury.
Nate is out of town and I just tucked the kids into bed and am already in bed myself. I don't feel like I stopped running all day today ~ from the gym to dropping off Jules to errands to picking her up to errands to cookie making to hanging pictures with my Mom to making dinner to Lukes Bball practice to home and a shower (finally, which is just gross), to, finally, bed.
It was a weird eating day, with too much running around it was bottom heavy and snack heavy. Cottage cheese with almonds and bananas for breakfast, grilled pork and dates with peanut butter for lunch, yogurt covered raisins and pirates booty for snacks, a delicious crustless spinach quiche for dinner, and then some serious amounts of eclat peppercorn dark chocolate with dried cherries on the side. I thought I had given all of the eclat chocolate over the holidays and found one last bar lurking in the cabinet just before I put the kids to bed. Serendipity.
Hate feeling convicted. Hate recognizing my own crazy. Love finding chocolate and having a full fridge. Breaking even?
I'm 20 days late here, so you probably won't even see this. But anyway, I have lots of days like you do above. At 8pm I realize the only time I have sat down is when I am driving in the car. Isn't that crazy! I even feed Nate standing up. I'm so frazzled by the end of the day, and sometimes Chocolate is the only answer. Totally awesome!
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