The Vacation that wasn't. And a long yoga break.

Man. I feel like life stopped for a week. It was a full WEEK of no yoga for me, barring an adjustment workshop that I went to for a few hours on Saturday. The snowstorm, the cancelled vacation, having no plans, no food, no anything (because we were supposed to be lounging in sunny Florida, not here in frigid temps) made some of us completely fucking insane a little stir crazy. To be honest? After the initial disappointment the kids were fine. Time is not linear with kids and the whole "vacation" thing was quickly put out of their mind. Kids are pure examples of living life in the moment and I should learn a thing or two from the way that they manage to deal with disappointment and move on seamlessly. I kept feeling as though since we were "supposed" to be on vacation I shouldn't be doing "normal" things like going to yoga, going out with friends, going to the gym etc. I felt like this was time that we had dedicated to family and to fun, so even though our locale had changed, that time and that intention should be respected. Nate and I had different reactions to the change in plans….which was a bit difficult for me to deal with at first  (I wasn't thrilled about the circumstances either, and was also dealing with cabin fever and lack of ideas….but him being grumpy about it felt like one more burden to bear.) That said, I live a pretty easy life; I don't have a ton of external stress, I pretty much control my schedule, and I don't have the burden of supporting 5 people or the challenge of almost weekly travel in my life. When I put things in perspective, it reminded me that his need for this vacation was greater than mine, and to try to be more compassionate in my response to his frustration.

We tried to get creative. Some ice skating. A night out to dinner and indoor golf which at least got us swinging our own clubs.  A day at the Strasburg Railroad. Some time with friends. Lots of time with neighbors. Some time with family. Some home improvement projects. Lots of shoveling and snowblowing.  The lack of yoga was mentally and physically challenging. I  usually have a decent solo practice…but it depends on a bit of space and a bit of quiet. With us all being IN THE HOUSE, even with a house with lots of space….there just didn't seem to be space for my practice. I suppose I could have gotten up early, or practiced after bedtime….but it just wasn't happening. In some ways the break was nice, in some it was scary (I feel out of teaching mode a bit and I feel out of whack in general).

In an act of cosmic cruelty, it snowed again overnight, which meant a 2 hour delay again this morning. There was gnashing of teeth and renting of clothing across the greater Philadelphia area as we all just need some ROUTINE back in our lives. My normal (favorite) 9:30 class was cancelled, but I did finally get the kids off to school and to an 11:00 vinyasa flow class. I feel like with "nocation" past us, I felt suddenly and powerfully overwhelmed today in yoga. I registered with WGap yesterday ~ this is the first season in my life where I will be competing in golf, as well as playing weekly on the CVG team. That is going to be a huge time commitment. I'm going to be teaching, even if its a few hours a week its a commitment. March is FILLED with yoga commitments as we wrap up the program. I felt like all of this hit me all at once as I stood on my mat today. I have a few papers to write for school. I have to plan my practicum, do my pre practicum, plan the gentle yoga class that (I think?) I'm hired to teach at the Y. Drug testing, fingerprinting. I have the mad organization itch that hits me every spring. I was tearing into things this morning randomly throwing away things and organizing weird things like my jewelry organizer. All signs of me feeling out of control.

Deep breaths. I could be doing things instead of sitting on my new favorite chair…..but I'm sitting on my new favorite chair because I feel like writing it down will at least let me recognize that yes, this is what I am feeling. No, it isn't actually terrible. It is all good stuff. Broken apart is all going to be manageable. Routine WILL be reestablished. Order WILL resume. I trust it.

I hate lack of routine and order. I am struggling to accept this continual disruption of snow and missing school and missing yoga and missing….things. Things are being missed and it is forcing me to adapt. Not a strong suit of mine. Today my goal is acceptance with grace…and patience. Dear sweet everything that is good do I need some patience.

To anyone else who is feeling beaten down by winter: I wish you patience, as well.