Frustration.
It all started with a leak. A leak that I noticed on Thursday night. A leak that culminated with part of my newly refinished (5 month long refinish filled with lots of stress) basement wall being taken apart, a plumber here, and contractors, remediators, home insurance companies, and giant noisy fans. All of this was going on while I was hosting a play date and trying to prepare food for a party that night. AND, I hadn't honored my body and had worked out too much that morning. I see 6 am yoga as a relaxation session ~ I need to start seeing it as a workout.
Anyway, it set up a messed up weekend. I carried my stress and resentment about my house (as well as my exhaustion, being up at 5 and literally being on the go all day is not the way to go to a party)into the party friday night.....and by sunday morning as I got up to get ready for Golf and ran my bog toe into the wall by accident, I knew that all of this was my fault. While the party was fun, I drank wine (blew that whole30 thing!) and then Saturday I felt tired and guilty as I hadn't planned on doing that and had been doing so well on this Whole30. In typical black and white thinking pattern ~ I said hell with this and ate badly. See how that works? I blew it so what's the point of trying.
Anyway. I had all of sunday to lay in bed with my foot elevated and iced while my family did fun things, so I got to think about it all. I traced back what a terrible day Friday was. I didn't prepare myself good foods or rest like I normally do in the afternoon. I was anxious in body and mind heading into friday night. So really, nothing about messing up was surprising. I still had a really fun time with my friends and Nate.......and on Saturday morning NOTHING had to be wrong, except for me! I chose to be upset at that point and to throw the day away, because I expect too much of myself. Drinking two glasses of wine is simply not a big deal, ever, in life. I remembered why I don't really like restrictive eating plans, as I believe that they have the power to make one feel guilt which is unnecessary and generally nothing but negative.
So, I dusted myself off, and climbed back on my Whole30, and here I am, broken toe and all.
I'm approaching it with a little more healthy caution right now. I'm still maintaining strict adherence ~ but I'm keeping a more balanced mental approach ~ this is for working on finding what foods make me happiest ~ NOT about perfection. Perfection is a small little box of unhappy, and I don't need to focus on that to the point of making myself upset if things go awry. Life throws enough curveballs, I don't need to add to them by creating artificial stress about things like some corn, or whateveritis. Peace, yo.
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