Dancing the Dance

My tuesday morning power vinyasa flow teacher read us this quote a few months back at the beginning of a class and it instantly called to me. At the end of class I asked her for the source, and since then its been something that I've been coming back to again and again. I feel like this dance is something that I dance day to day, hell, minute to minute to minute sometimes, not just in yoga, but in life.

After getting caught up on the laundry and going to bed so early on Tuesday night I felt much more on top of things yesterday morning. Wednesday is the day that Jake stays at school till 2, so its usually the day where I get a lot of things accomplished. I was planning to meet Sue (my mentor) and the other women that she mentor's to all work on practice teaching together. We have been doing this on wednesday mornings, meeting at the studio, usually from about 9-11:30. Well. This week we were there till 1:15. The giant bulk of that was spent with two people who have spent very little time practicing and really haven't worked this whole thing out. I'm being honest here even though this probably makes me look like a jerk ~ IT WAS SO FRUSTRATING. I REALLY didn't have 3 hours to give up being standing models for them while they went "Um, oh, shoot, I totally forget what I had next!" or, move your, um, right? no, left! no, wait, right ankle, no! foot?" and all I was thinking as I stood there sweating (from anxiety, not exertion), was SHIT I have so much I could be doing right now.

Then it hit me that in reality, I have been or really AM, in comparison to Sue, just as bad at this as they are. And there she was, spending all those hours with me/us, completely of her own good will, not getting paid for it, simply to help us. And I was getting resentful and annoyed? What a bitch I am! So I took some deep breaths and soldiered on, remembering to be grateful for what I was getting (incredible mentoring) by paying it forward, by being there for these girls who were trying. Any moment I help, even watching others make mistakes, listening to Sue instruct others, or simply being there for others who are trying to learn, is valuable.

Sometimes all the time I get way too caught up in the big picture of Alllllllll the things I have to do. In reality, when I break it all down, its all manageable. I left at 1:15, drove straight to my favorite cars store to buy thank you cards (this didn't work out so well, sadly after 30 years in business in our fine town they are closing up shop and barely had anything left. Its just so hard to compete as a tiny independent locally owned business.). Nonetheless I got enough to get some basics done. I came home and banged out dinner for the kids while Jake slept for 2 hours. Julia got off the bus and wrote thank you cards with me. Luke got off of the bus and we typed up a story that he had written and he went to work illustrating it. Jake finally woke up, we all ate an early dinner, and we headed to the gym with them in PJ's so I could actually DO some yoga.

There is a class at the gym I just started doing called "Yoga Journey. Its unlike anything else the gym offers. A bit of a level 3/inversion class mixed with wall yoga I guess? We move through vinyasas and a lot of planks, then move to the wall, doing our downward dogs with our heels raised up against the wall (the only time I've done this is in Iyengar classes?), then move through right and left legs extended up high on the wall, flying pigeon/knee to chest with rounded and long spines, more vinyasas, warrior 1 and 2 series with the back foot pressing into the wall, a side plank series against the wall, a crescent lunge series with the back heel on the wall, then move through it all NOT on the wall working to achieve that same feeling of pressing back through the back leg, then an inversion series. Starting with a simple foot up toe raise of the opposite foot, moving on to both legs up the wall downward dogs, handstand against the wall, to a true handstand. Then we turn in, doing forward folds with our raised leg pressing into the wall, and move into pigeon on the wall and some legs up the wall, bound angle, and twists, still on the wall.

Its nice. My hip had been REALLY bothering me yesterday, not so much my actual hip but my hip flexers on my right side (the side I broke). Whatever it was got worked out in last nights class. I have to say falling out of my old pattern does take a bit of reminding.....i.e I got to the gym a little bit early last night, normally I would have taken my book (Americanuh) and "warmed up" on the stairs. Instead I grabbed a towel and hit the sauna for just 10 minutes, enjoying getting the bone chilling cold out of my system. I just can't get over how easy it is for me to fall into the trap of over exercising. Is it that I love to read and those damn stairs give me quiet time to do so? Is it the quiet time away from the kids that I need? Is it just habit?? Its not about weight, its not about appearance, its not about strength.....its just habit, or clearing head space, or doing it and not paying ATTENTION to how much I'm doing it, or something. I don't know. Anyway. Usually I would have done about 45 minutes of stairs and THEN my dance party class today, but instead I'm going to a non power vinyasa class this morning, then heading out with Jake to get some things done. Tonight I do have a sitter coming so I can do the inversion class with Sue.

I did get some time to practice teaching yesterday and I feel like I'm starting to hone in on my practicum a little bit. I scheduled a date on March 2 (a week before my actual class) to do a "pre practicum" (again) which will be great. The fun thing after planning it is honing in on the time (It is supposed to be a 60 minute class. When you break it down, that means about 5 min centering, getting ready to go,  maybe 7-10 minutes warming up, 25 ish minutes in standing poses/balancing poses/, 10-15 back to floor poses, and leaving 7 or so minutes for my inversion  and shavasana. (doing good old legs up the wall with a bolster as its a beginner class). Broken down like that its simple. Just like my day usually is. When I find myself all wrapped up in the "control" part is when I'm stressed out, but obviously I can't just surrender to what I would enjoy doing (reading on the couch eating tomato soup and grilled cheese and doing some yoga day after day, duh).....so the dance goes on. Finding that balance. Every day. Every moment.