Great news!
I had a great swim this morning, the first time I really got into the zone in the way I used to feel when running. I met a new friend recently, someone that I had said hi to for the past 3 or 4 years in yoga, but recently started to talk to as we ran into one another at the pool. She asked me about my hip, and as we started talking, it turned out that she was an ex runner turned yogi/swimmer/biker as a result of injuries. This morning as I stood atop the steps looking down at the outdoor pool, leaning on my crutch with my cap on, unsure of what to do as there were kids in the two swim lanes at the lower set of outdoor pools, she came up behind me and said "don't worry ~ we'll scare them off". And much to my delight, we did. She and I slid into our lanes, the kids disappeared, we put on our goggles, and both swam for an hour. It was absolutely delightful. I noticed her music, and asked her about it, she was using this, which of course I now feverishly want. That also means I need a shuffle. After the first 20 or so laps I found myself in the zone, still using my pull buoy, and totally unaware of every single thing around me, as well as every single worry within me. There was nothing but breath, and water. Today I also learned that even with the pull buoy, I can do flip turns, which was fun, as I haven't done one of them in about....oh, 22 years? It was awesome. I'm in love with swimming, and the mental zone out and physical work out it gave me today.
My appointment was fantastic. My xrays look fine. He said that it was completely normal to walk with a limp when I walk without my crutch, and in fact I would be for some time. He said that was normal, and not a sign of a problem with my healing. He encouraged me to go to a cane, and to weight bear as I could, even if it meant walking with a limp, which sortov surprised me, as I had been thinking that the limp was bad. He said that with where my fracture was (close to the femur) and with the relatively low degree of displacement, the risk of AVN was very low (due to where the blood supply is, apparently more blood supply to the femur is higher up ~ the risk of it being cut off/bone death is higher the higher up the break is). This was total news to me! It made me giggle. He also told me that with the degree of displacement and my age and health, the chance of non union was also very low. I started to cry as I explained how my fear may seem irrational, but this whole injury was so irrational that I just feel snakebit, and that after what happened to me, the unthinkable now seems possible. He looked me in the eye and told me that he understood my fear, and that he had every confidence that I had nothing at all to fear, and that next spring I was going to be running and that this would feel very far behind me.
As he is not one (or, has not been one) to offer up any sort of false hope or encouragement, this meant a lot to me.
He gave me a script for PT, which is exciting. Even more exciting? The script is to the same place that is at my gym! So my PT is now going to be 100% covered by insurance, and I am going to have free childcare while I get it. Great news all around. I could not be happier at this moment in time. Off to rest while my kids finish up their naps. Lets hope my little (huge) string of bad luck has come to an end. Dare I hope it?
Edit: Dr encouraged me to use the cane. I tried to work the cane at bookclub tonight. No amount of wine made the cane work. It just doesn't work. I just can't do it. It is a super cool cane, one that was lent to me by a dear friend. But......I just can't rock it. So. I need the crutch. And I also need to publicly admit that today when my Dr offered me another Rx for pain meds, a large part of my small brain wanted to say yes please. Because that would be so pleasant. So easy. And I said no. And even though its been two weeks since i've had any.....I see how people get sucked into the trap of them. And I'm just not willing to go down that road. SO, no pain meds, no cain, and here we go. Crutchin it on, med free, and working my way towards independence, one small limp walk at a time.
My appointment was fantastic. My xrays look fine. He said that it was completely normal to walk with a limp when I walk without my crutch, and in fact I would be for some time. He said that was normal, and not a sign of a problem with my healing. He encouraged me to go to a cane, and to weight bear as I could, even if it meant walking with a limp, which sortov surprised me, as I had been thinking that the limp was bad. He said that with where my fracture was (close to the femur) and with the relatively low degree of displacement, the risk of AVN was very low (due to where the blood supply is, apparently more blood supply to the femur is higher up ~ the risk of it being cut off/bone death is higher the higher up the break is). This was total news to me! It made me giggle. He also told me that with the degree of displacement and my age and health, the chance of non union was also very low. I started to cry as I explained how my fear may seem irrational, but this whole injury was so irrational that I just feel snakebit, and that after what happened to me, the unthinkable now seems possible. He looked me in the eye and told me that he understood my fear, and that he had every confidence that I had nothing at all to fear, and that next spring I was going to be running and that this would feel very far behind me.
As he is not one (or, has not been one) to offer up any sort of false hope or encouragement, this meant a lot to me.
He gave me a script for PT, which is exciting. Even more exciting? The script is to the same place that is at my gym! So my PT is now going to be 100% covered by insurance, and I am going to have free childcare while I get it. Great news all around. I could not be happier at this moment in time. Off to rest while my kids finish up their naps. Lets hope my little (huge) string of bad luck has come to an end. Dare I hope it?
Edit: Dr encouraged me to use the cane. I tried to work the cane at bookclub tonight. No amount of wine made the cane work. It just doesn't work. I just can't do it. It is a super cool cane, one that was lent to me by a dear friend. But......I just can't rock it. So. I need the crutch. And I also need to publicly admit that today when my Dr offered me another Rx for pain meds, a large part of my small brain wanted to say yes please. Because that would be so pleasant. So easy. And I said no. And even though its been two weeks since i've had any.....I see how people get sucked into the trap of them. And I'm just not willing to go down that road. SO, no pain meds, no cain, and here we go. Crutchin it on, med free, and working my way towards independence, one small limp walk at a time.
So thrilled for you. Hoping the good news continues to abound, but know you will take on whatever is thrown at you. :)
ReplyDeleteI am also really loving seeing your workouts updated again. Good motivation for me to keep on as well. xo
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your good news! and how in the world do you swim for an hour????? I get about 5 minutes (and am totally winded) and look at the clock and go... that's it only 5 minutes you have to be kidding me! I can't imagine losing myself in a zone for an hour swimming. You might need to help me figure out how to do that.
ReplyDeleteJenn it all has to do with my sister. She knows me so well. When I first told her I wanted to start swimming she told me that I had to pace myself. She told me that she knew me and that she knew that I would start tearing down the lane like I was being a 10 year old racing again, and that I would get frustrated, She told me that it all had to do with going so slowly that I might feel like I might sink. I don't go *quite* that slowly, but I keep her words in mind, just like I used to remember that I could slow down when I was running. Today, when flip turning left me utterly breathless I went to every other stroke breaths, or turning into backstroke, I just remembered that it was all about me, and that it was MY game, and my pace. I am still working at finding my pace at swimming, like it took a long time at finding my pace at running. Today it took at least 20 laps in the pool before that breathless feeling went away. It was all about finding my rhythm, about letting my fears and the control factor go, and just letting my body be. I also don't look at the clock, I just set a lap goal (today it was 70, and then I checked out the clock, and by that time I felt so good I wanted to keep going). I think that endorphins or whatever had kicked in by then.
ReplyDeleteAnd Karly.......I almost texted you as after reading your comments before bookclub I re read my post and realized how ridiculous my post was.........and how ridiculous my entire Dr's appointment was. I went from giggling to crying to being happy......Oy. Thanks for not commenting on my obvious wild extremes. This effing injury.
This injury would mess with anyone's head. Your entire outlet for the past few years has been exercise. It helped you deal with all of the things that are out of your control (processing J's birth, dealing with the stress of N's school and taking charge of 3 little people)...who wouldn't struggle to find balance with that outlet suddenly snatched away?
ReplyDeleteWe all have some "wild extremes"...don't apologize! You are brave and honest to share. I admire that and relate to so many of your emotions.
ReplyDeleteI wish you blog had a like button!
ReplyDelete