Old habits die hard.

 No. Bad. 

So it was a long few days with some travel both south (to DC) and north (to the Poconos). It was heavily peppered with celebration, both entertaining and being entertained. Heavy, rich foods and late nights, and this Monday morning left me with a desire to get back to basics with lots of fruit, rice, chicken etc.....and I found myself packing my yoga bag with both my mat AND my swim gear.

And as I lay in shavasana at the end of a particularly physical 75 minute yoga practice, just 6 weeks to the day that I lay on the surgery table, and as I still am using a crutch to get around, I felt a surge of anger towards myself.

HAVE I LEARNED NOTHING?

I suffered an overuse injury, pure and simple. Did it come out of no where? Yes. When the injury appeared, did I do everything "right"? Yes. But at the end of the day, did my injury stem 100% from overuse? Yes. Was it a result of me doing too much, of pushing my body too hard, of pounding and pushing and punishing? Yes.

And am I here, literally disabled and on a crutch, 6 weeks post major surgery, contemplating a double workout? Yes.

And it just goes to show you, that habits, even ones that we try to pass off as "good" ones, die hard.

I instead grabbed a magazine and hit the sauna, then laid by the pool for 30 minutes with a friend to talk.

I've always enjoyed exercise. I have never, ever exercised to the degree that I have for the past 18 months. And as I look back on the past 18 months, I see clearly what happened. I took the entirety of Dec '10 off. I had a 3 yo, a 2 yo, and a 6 month old nursling. I knew that to survive the season I simply had to let something go, and it was going to be working out. At that point I committed to becoming a runner, and getting back to my pre-kid fitness routine come January. And that is exactly what I did. That same spring Nate started seriously contemplating pursuing his MBA. My stress ratcheted up three notches, as did my workouts. I ran Broad St, and truly fell in love with running. That spring was really hard as Jake started walking and I had three kids so young. I worked out harder to manage my stress. Nate started school, and the gym became my escape. As he was in school Fridays and Saturdays, new workout days were added. Friday afternoons became long run afternoons to help me forget that our fun filled pizza and wine nights on the deck with friends were a thing of the past as Nate was at school . Gone were fun filled weekend family excursions and breakfasts out, replaced with one more day at the gym. It was both a break from the kids and a social and physical outlet for me. It was fun for the kids, as our gym is a kid haven with kid activities galore and tons of their friends to play with. I used exercise as a crutch just like some people might use drinking or eating. It wasn't an addiction, necessarily, just an easy way to make the many hours of single parenting more manageable. And because I enjoyed it so much, I overdid it. And because the circumstances of my life haven't changed (if anything, they are worse, at the moment, as Nate's new job has brought more travel, in the short term, and he is still in school). So. It is all too easy to fall back into the same routine that landed me right where I am. So I've changed things. I've added two afternoons of babysitting so that the gym isn't my only time away from the kids. I've committed to getting biweekly massages. Our entire school year just shifted as Luke was assigned to afternoon Kindy, so I switched Jules to afternoon pre-K, and this means that with Jake sleeping the afternoon away and my bigs at school, I will have time to nap. I'm going to take naps three days a week this fall and winter. I'm going to take care of myself in ways OTHER than just exercise and eating well. In my fervor to be healthy I neglected one of the most critical aspects of good health: rest. I took naps, I took rest days.....I enjoyed long leisurely hot baths and whatnot....I gave days off their due, but at the end of the day there is no doubt in my mind that doing things like running hills at 6 am then doing 45 minutes of stairs then doing a HIIT class are a good example of overuse, or of what NOT to do, pure and simple. I took a good thing too far, and I paid a price.

I refuse to be the person who won't learn from her mistakes. I believe in making mistakes. I regret few of the many I've made along the way as they have been formative in shaping me into  woman I am today. Just like my right hip is going to actually end up being stronger than my left as a result of my break and the resulting act of bone knitting itself back together, my mistakes have taught me so much along the way, as I have been broken and knit myself back together.  I won't do more than one workout a day. Ever. ((*Okay, I'm amending this, because its been bothering me. If, IF, I ever do something zany like serious non sprint triathlons, I may do double workouts, because that sort of event would demand it. But I won't do that sort of training unless I'm directly under the care of a trainer, and paying for directed and specific training geared toward the event at hand. Not willy nilly insanity for the hell of it. Okay, I feel better.*)) Even if they are non weight bearing. Even if Nate is away all week. Even if. Because I value my body. And I value my health. And I value my parts. And there are other ways to maintain my mental health. And I've learned too much from this past 8 weeks to risk ever, ever being in this position again.

So. If I start writing about two a day workouts, and I'm not specifically under the care of a trainer directing my training, someone kick my ass, will you?

I have yet another level of understanding and empathy for those of you who may be struggling to overcome habits of your own creation. I'm right there with you.