Words.Practicum.

So, today was my day. My practicum. All that I had been working for and towards was to be on stage today. My practice practicum last Sunday gave me a lot of confidence ~ I felt happy with my class and when I was on the stage I felt comfortable and confident. I liked my music playlist. I am really comfortable mirroring. I have a joke or two in my bag. I've found my voice as a teacher. I am really encouraging. I am NOT really serene, really slow and soft speaking. I cue a lot, I talk a lot about what we are strengthening and what we are stretching, I throw in a lot of anatomy, what exactly is working and why. I think that people like to know WHY we are doing something. I like to have a laugh every now and then, I like to make a lot of eye contact with my students, to individually encourage them, to show them that I am aware of where they are, of what they need. This was a beginner class ~ and I worked really really hard on creating smooth and interesting transitions from sitting to tabletop, from standing to kneeling, from kneeling to seated, etc. I think that nothing blows the flow and rhythm of a class more than an abrupt "come to standing" out of nowhere.

We experienced three practicums yesterday. One was excellent, one was incredibly awkward, and one was pilates. Today my dear friend Jyoti went before me. Sue is our mentor so of course she was there. Jyoti was beautiful. She is the opposite of me in many ways, a beautiful lilting voice, so tranquil and serene, and a great teacher. She did an awesome job. I found my self getting unexpectedly incredibly nervous during her class! All of a sudden I'm thinking "What if I just freeze? What if I forget everything? What if my music is off?" etc.

My Mom and Sister were coming to my class. As a very happy surprise two other friends, Jan and Erika came as well! Now, my sister is 27 weeks pregnant and beautiful and glowing in every way. She is also incredibly fit and strong. I created my entire class with her in mind……no belly down poses, twists to the open side of the leg, etc etc. Sue found it hilarious that I invited a pregnant woman to my practicum, saying "well that's confident" in her wonderful British accent.

As soon as my music started I felt okay. I had my iPhone stopwatch going and hidden behind a bolster. It was great. I love teaching. I just love looking out at a room of people, feeling the positive energy of the room, feeling us working together to create something beautiful.

It just worked. It flowed. I mirrored with confidence. When a few people went up into Volcano prematurely I teased them about being the overachievers in the group. My quote at the beginning worked ~ I blew my quote at the end, however. I'd call it my one big mistake. I was holding my card thinking "I should just skip this" …..but decided to read it anyway as it tied the beginning of the class into the end. Several people commented in my feedback that it was a bit startling to suddenly hear my voice while they were in deep relaxation. Lesson learned.

All of the students and attendees critique me. The questions are as follow:

Could you hear the teacher?  Yes      No       Sometimes

Were the instructions/cuing clear " "

Did the class flow?

Was the class taught at a beginner level?

Were suitable alternatives given?

Would you attend another class taught by this teacher?

Helpful comments?

As soon as the class was over I went into a private room with Pam (the studio owner) for a 1:1 evaluation. She told me she was really impressed (I blushed). She had a great couple of pages of notes, what in particular was great, what was ok, what needed work. She admitted that her comments were nitpicky as she really had enjoyed the class and it was ready to be taught to any group of beginners or level 1 students, just as it was.

As we were talking my peers were putting their comment sheets under the door. After she finished her critique she read briefly through their comments.

I am going to treasure these comment sheets. I remember the very first time I taught the first 15 minutes of one of Sues classes ~ how completely awkward and terrible and stupid I felt. How out of control and fake and dumb. I just feel so incredibly lucky to have come from there to here! I'm still green, I'm raw, I'm going to make so many mistakes…... I'm going to have classes where I want to slither off of the stage in a puddle. BUT, today I didn't. So today I celebrate today.

I never ever wear jewelry as I practice yoga. Today I broke my rules. I wore the bracelet that my friend Karly sent me after I broke my hip. She had it inscribed with one of my favorite Rumi quotes " "The wound is the place where the Light enters you".  I wore it because yes, the wound. That vicious wound ~ breaking my femur, is what got me to this place, to this mat, to leading 19 beautiful people through a yoga practice, today. Those were such, such dark days, they set my entire life askew. I loved looking down at my wrist and feeling incredibly grateful, for both friends who supported me through that time, through this new endeavor, and for the opportunity to pursue this goal. Thank you, Karly.

I also wore the necklace that Nate had had a friend make me for my birthday last year……one year after breaking my hip. It is special to me. I know that being "fierce" and yoga aren't necessarily things that people would link together. But, for me (the aggressive perfectionist :)) I am fierce. I had to be fierce to overcome that injury and not lose heart. I am fierce about my passions. I am fierce about the things I love. I am fierce about the people I love. I am fiercely loyal. And today, after we sealed our practice with the sound of Om, and thanked the class for sharing their beautiful practice with me, then bowed forward and said "Namaste" and saw the faces of my Mom and Sister (right up front to my right), my own fierce cheerleaders, I got tears in my eyes.

I don't always feel as though I'm doing things right, or as though I'm in the right place or doing the right things. But today, as I got to bow down low in gratitude, I knew, very deeply, that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

Namaste, friends.