Soccer send off. And, how we talk to one another.

Tonight was our big farewell to the season. The final game is Sunday, but as it is right in the middle of Namas Day, I didn't want to just throw the girls their trophies and run off. I offered up a practice at the park behind our home, making it a fun night, with silly skill games like Mr. Fox, Grab the Bacon, and a funny throw in game where parents had to participate throwing it in on one leg. It all culminated with a parent vs. kids and sibs game. We were SUPPOSED to be on the beautiful flat baseball field, which I had all set up……till a baseball team showed up to practice on at 5. DOH! We dealt. It became open to neighbor kids as they were there, without supervision, and hey, why not, right? It was great. I never really thought of myself as a good leader of kids (OPK's I used to call them, other peoples kids)……but taking on this challenge of coaching has taught me that I DO like teaching kids about sports. In fact, I love it. We had so much fun for an hour of this "practice", involving siblings ranging from 3-11, and all of the parents of the 8 girls. I had played 9 this morning with Jake, getting ready for my match on Saturday, then spent the afternoon preparing appetizers, salads and desserts and getting the house ready to host 40 people.

After the practice we walked up from the park to our home. The kids went CRAZY (kids are crazy, kids en masse, in a pack of about 25, are literally like wild animals, running from basement to upstairs, screaming at the top of their lungs. Boys vs girls stuff sets in, and shit just goes mad. Parents just……well, drink. Or talk louder to one another). It was so much fun. The parents had gone in on such a nice gift to me, a gift card to one of my favorite restaurants in the borough and an awesome sweatshirt. The card actually made me get teary. As I admitted that I had been really apprehensive about taking on the role of coach, a parent asked if I had been in education. Hahahahaah.   Nyet. No. My biggest fear in taking on coaching was (and is and will forever be) that I struggle to deal with kids who don't behave. We don't accept it in our kids, they have been raised to know how to interact, to respect, and I struggle to deal with kids who don't know how to conform to rules or standards. We had rules on our team.

#1. Have fun.
#2. Be a good teammate.
#3. Respect yourself and your opponent.

THe girls did that, consistently, throughout the season. We got so, so much better. We weren't dealt a stacked hand……we lost our first 4 or 5 games by quite a bit, but we got so, so much better. Our shining moment was last week when we tied a team that had beaten us 10-0, with a last second goal (scored by Jules with a centering pass by a girl who just has my heart in her hands). It was awesome. I've never seen an entire sideline of parents leap off of their feet to cheer so loudly. We have become a true team. That is awesome.

So. Tonight. We were eating and having so much fun as the kids were crazy. One Mom who I really like was telling me how she had made a connection with me about a mutual friend who had just had a 4th kid at 41. She said that she had said to the mutual friend  "Yes! Melissa is the girls coach! I want to hate her but I just can't as she is just so sweet and great to the kids".  I nodded and smiled and then as the words actually sank in I said "Wait. Why do you want to hate me?" She said "Oh, look at you!" and then blah blah blah some body stuff.

THIS FREAKS ME OUT. Okay. I get comments on my body frequently. Not saying this to be arrogant or weird, but I do. The day I fell flat out on the CVT,the guy who stopped to check to see if I was okay then said "well, you're jacked, so keep it up!" and ran off as I was shaking and upset. Like being "jacked" was my goal as I was shaken and scared and two of my kids were nervously standing by.

I always say the same thing, and now I actually defer it to my son. I say, oh, look at Luke (as the comments are usually specifically directed at my arms), he's built just like me. I say that that is exactly what I looked like as a kid. I say that its genetic. They say, DOES JUST YOGA DO THAT? Like its one magic bullet.

Whatever it is, however you look, can you imagine saying that you want to HATE someone based upon how they look? It rattled me? Is that so weird?

I'm not compliment fishing here. I'm fully confident and happy with my body, its my body and its been my body since I was a child. I actually get embarrassed and shy from such compliments ~ I purposely dress myself in such a way as to not wear super tight clothes when coaching or teaching, as much as possible. But……wanting to hate someone because of their body? Help me here people? Is that as weird as hating someone because they are obese? Or hating someone because they are deformed? Is it socially acceptable to admit hatred towards someone because of how they look if how they look is healthy? 

Am I over thinking this? I felt…….exposed. I was wearing a long sleeve shirt and yoga pants, but I admit I wanted to go throw on a baggy sweatshirt. I've never felt like that before, or, not since I was a teen. I purposely have never worn a tank in front of the girls due to my tattoo, and wanting to be a good influence…and I just felt……..weird? Should I hide my body? So people don't want to "hate" me for being, well, myself?