Peaks and Valleys.

I want every thing to be linear. I run, I get faster, I go farther. I swim, I get faster, I swim farther. It's how I think, its how I am. I tend to be a black and white thinker.  This carries over into MANY areas of my life, not just fitness.

Unfortunately it also carries over into recovery. That isn't such a great thing, as recovery is not a linear process. I can tell you that on Wed after PT I was on top of the world. I was feeling like I was clearly on the road to like, almost better. and was rocking this recovery thing. Then, on Thursday, when I tried my first excursion, I was crossing a large parking lot on crutches with a 2 year old and our nanny, in a full sweat on a 100 degree day, and then was in a tiny fitting room trying on one pieces with an ugly staples mess of a thigh and I could see my ribs and it was painful and I was sweating and I almost burst into tears just wondering who the hell I was and what the HELL had happened to me in the past month. It was ironic that right after that experience my cousin and good friend who is an RN called me. She (out of no where, but knowing me very well) reminded me that this IS a long process, no matter who you are, no matter how strong your will is, no matter how fit you were/are, no matter what. She reminded me that there are going to be good days and bad days, and that I have to take it all in stride and accept it all as part of the process. They were just the words that I needed to hear, at that moment. Me and my overzealousness took a little ego hit yesterday, but I needed it. I can't get ahead of myself in this process, on this road, or I will end up hurt again. I took pride in acquiring a suit and a cap and some goggles, and took a 4 hour nap. Sara spent the night, which was great, and I went to bed feeling much better than I did after my brief panic that the mornings journey set off.

This morning I got up and put on my bikini for the first time since the break! I'm sitting poolside with our Nanny while she watches the kids and I get some important work done like ordering groceries and writing thank you cards done. It feels so good to be outside, and to be watching my kids play happily, even if I can't yet be in the water with them yet. Nate and I have a date tonight with friends, courtesy of Kids Night Out at the gym, and I'm looking forward to our first date since the break.....but to be honest, after yesterdays experience and our continuing heat wave I cancelled our reservations and we are instead getting fancy take out with our friends and I don't have to endure the parking/crutching/crowded/hot resturant experience just yet. I know I'm not ready. I plan to sleep all afternoon today to prepare. Next week will start a return to exercise. The bigs have camp from 9-12 and I plan to go with our nanny to drop them off, then come to the gym to do some arm and core work monday, then to get in the pool the rest of the week as my staples come out on Tuesday. The staples are really beginning to skeeve me out.

I know myself very well. I know my strengths and weaknesses. The hardest part of my recovery is going to be fighting my innate nature in wanting to do more, work harder, push myself. This is one area where that very passion and work ethic is going to work AGAINST me if I can't reign it in. That is my goal.