Keeping anxiety at arms length.
I opened an email yesterday morning that left me gasping for air. My team. My schedule. Saturday gams, which I was expecting………AND SUNDAY GAMES. Every single weekend. All of September and most of October. One practice/week. Jake had practice/game every Wed. And I haven't heard from Luke's coach yet…..but he's going to have the same type schedule. I honestly almost had a panic attack.
I'm teaching every Sunday at 8, 9:45 and 11, then coaching at either 12 or 1:30. This means that I will be late to the 12:00 games. Someone will have to stand in for me till I get there. I feel like any/every way I turn I'm going to be letting people down. Its a feeling I loathe. Loathe. Add in the wedding, already scheduled Saturday night events and, well, its going to be one hell of a September. Saturday morning games are at either 8 or 9:30.
I'm losing my zen, people, losing it in spades. I hit my mat hard yesterday in a 9:30 vinyasa class, then taught at 12:30 and 5:15.
Tonight I am very excited to celebrate my very best and oldest friends 40th birthday at the wonderful Talulas Garden, a delicious farm to table restaurant in Philly. I gave myself today to enjoy an afternoon on the course with the three kids, and tomorrow full bore organization goes into effect.
I don't like losing my zen. I don't like feeling like Ive taken on too much. I don't like worrying about tomorrow. But, I am.
Namaste. Fall. I'm falling before fall even hits.
I'm teaching every Sunday at 8, 9:45 and 11, then coaching at either 12 or 1:30. This means that I will be late to the 12:00 games. Someone will have to stand in for me till I get there. I feel like any/every way I turn I'm going to be letting people down. Its a feeling I loathe. Loathe. Add in the wedding, already scheduled Saturday night events and, well, its going to be one hell of a September. Saturday morning games are at either 8 or 9:30.
I'm losing my zen, people, losing it in spades. I hit my mat hard yesterday in a 9:30 vinyasa class, then taught at 12:30 and 5:15.
Tonight I am very excited to celebrate my very best and oldest friends 40th birthday at the wonderful Talulas Garden, a delicious farm to table restaurant in Philly. I gave myself today to enjoy an afternoon on the course with the three kids, and tomorrow full bore organization goes into effect.
I don't like losing my zen. I don't like feeling like Ive taken on too much. I don't like worrying about tomorrow. But, I am.
Namaste. Fall. I'm falling before fall even hits.
This feeling sounds like the feeling I'd get when there were half a dozen tests in a week at school, or when I had to get from one job to the next in rush hour traffic, or even races when they were all lined up one after another. I hate that feeling too. My rule, for racing at least, was always to only think about the current race and never think about the next race until it was over and done. I have a feeling that you'll be fine and that you'll be able to take on all of this... it just sounds impossible if you think about it all at once. Try focusing on one thing at a time as much as you can... and maybe the yoga will help calm you in between ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteI'm feeling the anxiety for you too, M. But I also feel confident you will find a way to rock this new schedule. You always do. It might not be as zen as you would like, but I know you will be amazing.
ReplyDeleteWith such an intense schedule, I wonder if you could get a solid assistant coach or helper? That way there would be continuity for the kids and maybe you could swap Saturdays for those noon games? Whatever happens, it will be ok. Totally ok.
ReplyDeleteThanks girls. You are all exactly right of course, stay in the moment and yes, it will get done, it always does. Jenn you are exactly right…..I sent out the introduction email today after calling all of the parents yesterday and I did just what you suggested, asking for a parent (or two) to volunteer to be assistant coaching, laying out why and when I would be late or miss the game. Hopefully someone steps in, or Nate can coach for me on those 12:00 games when I am coming late from my prenatal class. ZEN PEOPLE. ZEN RIGHT NOW!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteYou're awesome, Melis. xo
ReplyDeleteYou "zen" like a mofo. ;)