Beauty. And fear. And other ramblings.
This article awed me. Isn't it amazing? Really, Phillipines? We have to be wanton seductresses AND career women, all in the same day? And the USA morphs her into first some Nicole Richie/Olsen Twin then into some Kim Kardashian/Angelina Jolie hybrid? So we are a shrinking anorexic or a buxom dominatrix, not one, please, but both? So hard to be both. So horrible to be either! THEY CHANGE HER ENTIRE FACIAL STRUCTURE.
So, obviously I'm moving to Romania. Except, well, golf.
That was one of the best reviews I could find for golf courses in Romania, and besides the obvious upside of duh, Transilvanya, it doesn't really look great. Venezuela, Israel, all good. Italy, pretty good. My own people would accept me with a dash of shadow, it appears. Nonetheless the whole thing is just so fascinating, to me.
I have been meaning to write up some book reviews but time seems to be slipping through my fingers rather than multiplying. Read Hell-Bent. Its great, and fascinating. I knew I was averse to Bikram yoga, based solely upon my two experiences at the local Mr. Cool Studio, and after reading the book it proves to me that my intuition was spot on. The yoga may still have some saving graces, but oh BOY is the man himself a walking disaster. The author does a fairly good job of trying to make a manipulative power greedy sexual predator seem somewhat affable, and does provide some insight into his character defects which do make you feel some empathy for the factors beyond his control which played a part in his childhood……but at some point, as adults, the "childhood" excuse wears thin, especially when one has limitless resources for therapy and wellness/mental health support. I also have a renewed distaste for the "yoga competition" world ~ the insight into the world of "extreme back bending" was equally sad, fascinating and simply hard to comprehend.
"Plus One" by Cori Marinez just showed up at my door today. I'm excited to dig into it before I pass out tonight. I was up early, practicing on the back deck at 6:30 AM as Nate had an early train and I wasn't going to be able to work any yoga class into todays schedule. It was fun, good music, cool air, and me floating up high on my deck with the birds. I really worked on hip openers (hello, Mandukasana, its been a while)….and tried to come up with some new transitions and balance sequences for the hot (its warm) power class I taught tonight. My gentle yoga class today was great, I had 18, including several new people. Two of the new people were the mother and sister of a girl who has been coming to my Sunday AM flow class. New to yoga and slightly shy and insecure, it was fun to introduce them via a gentle practice with nice dim lights and slow movement and lots of breath work. New yogis! My friend with Parkinsons almost made me cry today, talking about how golf is the one thing that he most hates his disease for stealing from him. His mind is as sharp as a tack, he is not an old man, yet his body is failing him. It is so horribly unfair, so frustrating, so scary. Is it a sign of getting older, or is it just the whole being a Mom to little people, this rage against disease that I feel? The thought of something stealing my life away from me, or stealing it away from the people that I love, or from anyone on earth, makes me feel rage. A trembling inside. Its fear, of course. I don't know if its an after effect of almost losing a child, or if its a fear that we all have, but sometimes I just get the urge to batten down the hatches ~ to cry uncle ~ to admit that its all too scary and there is too much pain and I just want to wrap a blanket around my people and cocoon up in the cool basement for the rest of, well, our lives. Feeling their little bodies breathe against mine and hearing their little giggles. Their soft healthy bodies and beautiful skin and fingers wrapping around my hand. Safe. Protected. I know that that doesn't exist, of course, but when I let my mind go to the bad place, the place of fear ~ I wonder how to really, truly combat that? How much LIFE we still have to go. My kids are so safe, generally, right now. How do I raise them to accept that yes life is painful, but that there is so much pain that can be avoided. Make right choices. Have self confidence, not too much, but enough. Surround yourself with good people. When I think back to some of the pain that I inflicted on myself, or that I unintentionally created for myself ~ and of course by proxy for everyone who loved me ~ I just want to scoop my kids up and somehow guarantee that they never fall prey to that type of pain or hurt. And I can't. I can do so much, I have a lot of strength…….but I am powerless in so many ways against so many of the things that are going to unfold in their lives. Hell, in MY life. Life is hard. Its a fact. Its beautiful, sometimes, and hopefully much of the time, but man is life hard. A friend of the family was just in a car accident on the way home from the movies. Paralyzed, from the neck down. Not drinking, nothing more than an accident. And BAM thats it. I can't stop thinking about her husband, about her three kids and her very young grandkids, and about how active she was playing tennis and golf and now ~ just BAM.
I'm rambling. A good sign that its been too long of a day and I need to pack it in here. Almost 10~ crazy late for me. I have an 8:30 tee and its going to be another long day~ so I suppose the basement cocoon of faux security will have to wait for at least another day.
Namaste. May you all be safe, and loved, and remember that since life is hard, and often unkind and unfair, we should be grateful for every single day that we have. Love harder.
So, obviously I'm moving to Romania. Except, well, golf.
Best golf course in Transilvanya. We hope for 18 holes next year!
The course is made at high level!
The course is made at high level!
I have been meaning to write up some book reviews but time seems to be slipping through my fingers rather than multiplying. Read Hell-Bent. Its great, and fascinating. I knew I was averse to Bikram yoga, based solely upon my two experiences at the local Mr. Cool Studio, and after reading the book it proves to me that my intuition was spot on. The yoga may still have some saving graces, but oh BOY is the man himself a walking disaster. The author does a fairly good job of trying to make a manipulative power greedy sexual predator seem somewhat affable, and does provide some insight into his character defects which do make you feel some empathy for the factors beyond his control which played a part in his childhood……but at some point, as adults, the "childhood" excuse wears thin, especially when one has limitless resources for therapy and wellness/mental health support. I also have a renewed distaste for the "yoga competition" world ~ the insight into the world of "extreme back bending" was equally sad, fascinating and simply hard to comprehend.
"Plus One" by Cori Marinez just showed up at my door today. I'm excited to dig into it before I pass out tonight. I was up early, practicing on the back deck at 6:30 AM as Nate had an early train and I wasn't going to be able to work any yoga class into todays schedule. It was fun, good music, cool air, and me floating up high on my deck with the birds. I really worked on hip openers (hello, Mandukasana, its been a while)….and tried to come up with some new transitions and balance sequences for the hot (its warm) power class I taught tonight. My gentle yoga class today was great, I had 18, including several new people. Two of the new people were the mother and sister of a girl who has been coming to my Sunday AM flow class. New to yoga and slightly shy and insecure, it was fun to introduce them via a gentle practice with nice dim lights and slow movement and lots of breath work. New yogis! My friend with Parkinsons almost made me cry today, talking about how golf is the one thing that he most hates his disease for stealing from him. His mind is as sharp as a tack, he is not an old man, yet his body is failing him. It is so horribly unfair, so frustrating, so scary. Is it a sign of getting older, or is it just the whole being a Mom to little people, this rage against disease that I feel? The thought of something stealing my life away from me, or stealing it away from the people that I love, or from anyone on earth, makes me feel rage. A trembling inside. Its fear, of course. I don't know if its an after effect of almost losing a child, or if its a fear that we all have, but sometimes I just get the urge to batten down the hatches ~ to cry uncle ~ to admit that its all too scary and there is too much pain and I just want to wrap a blanket around my people and cocoon up in the cool basement for the rest of, well, our lives. Feeling their little bodies breathe against mine and hearing their little giggles. Their soft healthy bodies and beautiful skin and fingers wrapping around my hand. Safe. Protected. I know that that doesn't exist, of course, but when I let my mind go to the bad place, the place of fear ~ I wonder how to really, truly combat that? How much LIFE we still have to go. My kids are so safe, generally, right now. How do I raise them to accept that yes life is painful, but that there is so much pain that can be avoided. Make right choices. Have self confidence, not too much, but enough. Surround yourself with good people. When I think back to some of the pain that I inflicted on myself, or that I unintentionally created for myself ~ and of course by proxy for everyone who loved me ~ I just want to scoop my kids up and somehow guarantee that they never fall prey to that type of pain or hurt. And I can't. I can do so much, I have a lot of strength…….but I am powerless in so many ways against so many of the things that are going to unfold in their lives. Hell, in MY life. Life is hard. Its a fact. Its beautiful, sometimes, and hopefully much of the time, but man is life hard. A friend of the family was just in a car accident on the way home from the movies. Paralyzed, from the neck down. Not drinking, nothing more than an accident. And BAM thats it. I can't stop thinking about her husband, about her three kids and her very young grandkids, and about how active she was playing tennis and golf and now ~ just BAM.
I'm rambling. A good sign that its been too long of a day and I need to pack it in here. Almost 10~ crazy late for me. I have an 8:30 tee and its going to be another long day~ so I suppose the basement cocoon of faux security will have to wait for at least another day.
Namaste. May you all be safe, and loved, and remember that since life is hard, and often unkind and unfair, we should be grateful for every single day that we have. Love harder.
Wow, that US photoshop job was stunningly creepy and eyeopening. Adding makeup or even culturally appropriate clothing is one thing...changing the face of an already beautiful woman into a caricature is just twisted.
ReplyDeleteI struggle as well with being honest with my kids about the fact that bad things do happen and are most often out of our control. It's hard to balance this with the fact that we can't curl up and hibernate, but have to choose to go out there and live what we are given in the best way we can. It's funny what the human mind can ignore until it's forced into the forefront. If you haven't experienced someone dying or dealing with a chronic illness, it's off the radar mostly until that point. We get in our cars every day, despite that being one of the most statistically unsafe situations. I guess my only point is that I am glad that as human beings we are mostly resilient and hopeful. Or choose to ignore some of the uncontrollable risks in favor of living fuller lives.
"Love harder"...exactly. Thank you. xoxo