Weekend musings.

Sunrise as I left the house this morning for the first of three classes. My first three class Sunday, followed by coaching a game at 1:30 and watching Lukes game at 3:45. I am freaking exhausted. Something about walking out the back door to this set my mind right, I just felt at peace and as though it was going to be a wonderful day. For the most part, it has been. My team lost, though the girls played well and Julia had another goal. Lukes team actually won (SHOCKING after yesterdays thrashing) and so that was nice. The energy was high in my vinyasa flow class, I had 15 today and challenged myself to try more physical assists. Just small adjustments and touches, and it went well! I started with my students who have been with me now for about 6 months, as that is where my comfort level is at this point.

I can't believe that it was a year ago now that I was heading into my first weekend of teacher training. In some ways I admit to having doubts that I would ever teach. This area is so saturated with teachers and my kids are still so young, I was fearful that it was going to be one of those "things I started and never really followed through with" (I have a fairly extensive list of such things spanning my 39 year life). Instead Ive already earned back more than the cost of school (which I can write off), my personal practice has grown and changed me, and I'm actually teaching…..quite a lot! 8 classes this week! I'm proud of myself for chasing a dream and then following through with it, even when it was scary or challenging for me. I'm happy to have made new friends along the way and to have been forced to grow and change and learn new things about myself. Its a really good feeling to set a goal and to accomplish it.

Tomorrow I get to take Sues 9:30 class, then teach at 12:30 and 5:15. I teach for her (her level 3….yes, I'm afraid) on Tuesday and Wednesday night. I really really need to get a playlist together for that class ASAP and to at least plan out a basic outline (other than just killer hard) in my head. The biggest challenge is to not go in there and TRY TO BE SUE…..because A. I can't be Sue…..and B. I am me. I have to teach the way I teach in order for the class to feel authentic and real. This is a challenge, because I feel pressure to give her students what they are accustomed to getting from her. Its very nerve wracking. I also know that they will give her a ton of feedback on how I do……..and of course I want it to be a positive experience for them. So, I'm nervous. And of course, in the bcd of my mind through all of this is the bump. I couldn't read my quote in my prenatal class today without getting tears in my eyes…….which I hope they wouldn't hear in my voice. Motherhood: not easy on the heart, people. Not easy on the heart.

I end the weekend feeling very content and quite proud of my little people. I never care about how they perform as athletes, but I care very very much about how they perform as teammates. I care that they show good sportsmanship. I care about how they treat their teammates, and the kids on the other team. I can also say that after being really nervous about coaching, that I love it! I love the girls and its not really much different than parenting ~ I have to encourage. I have to be fair. I have to show them that they matter to me first as girls and individuals, then as soccer players. That isn't all that hard!

I'm getting better at not letting my anxiety overwhelm me. Its there, especially right now, but I'm learning how to press on. When it threatens to overwhelm me I have tools at my disposal, and I'm using them. I'm reaching out to friends. I'm meditating. I'm hitting my mat ~ slowly and very very gently. Yoga is teaching me how to manage my life more gently and lovingly. And that, my friends? That is a gift.